See Through

1 02 2013

I am naturally invisible. I have a tendency to want to hide inside of myself. It is easier to smile and say, “fine…” than it is to be real, honest, open, and authentic. Sometimes it is because I want to impress you. Most of the time it is because I want to protect myself. I am ashamed of all of the fear, pride, guilt, laziness, and failure that are piled up in my heart. There is so much trash that it is hard to imagine that God sees a treasure in me somewhere.

Transparency is the antidote to invisibility. As long as I hide my junk and pretend that it doesn’t exist, there is no way to give it to God to heal, wash, renew, and restore. Being transparent means being see through. It requires being real. It means admitting that I don’t have it all figured out, pinned down, or in order. I have to be honest that I can’t do it by myself. And that is scary.

I worry about letting people down. About not being good enough. But here is the truth. My kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a mom who can show them how to repent, be humble, accept forgiveness, and celebrate grace. My friends don’t need me to have it all together. They need a friend who can open her heart, let them walk in the mess, and find joy in helping each other up. My church family doesn’t need the “Sunday morning” version of myself. They need the me who is broken over sin, honest about my struggles, and willing to let others lift my arms. How do I know? Because that is what I need from all of them.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.” – 2 Corinthians 4:7

My Jesus Resolution today is to be see through. Covering up, putting on the mask, saying ‘fine’, and being invisible is a temptation I am going to resist today. It is okay to have questions, doubts, fears, and sticky, broken places. Transparency lets people see that stuff because that is when they get to see a miracle. When I let them see through to the real me, they also get to see the real goodness and amazing love of God taking all that junk and transforming me into the image of Jesus.


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One response

3 02 2013
Carol Washburn

Dear Casandra, You expressed my feelings completely and it has helped me so much to know you can feel that way too! I know I can be stronger and more like Jesus than I could ever have imagined before and live the “Immeasurably More” life. I am beginning to appreciate what my real treasures are in this life while waiting on the life to come. Thank you dear Christian friend. Carol Washburn

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