Our souls ache. Our hearts have deep bruises. Evil has once again snuck in and left weeping, fear, disillusionment, horror, and questions in its wake. Sorrow explodes. Bewilderment stuns. Grief overwhelms. It is too much.
There is no way to make sense of evil’s logic. It twists in the darkness, leaving us shaking our heads and holding our hearts in our hands. Tracing the deep wound leaves us gasping for breath and wondering how to find grace in the midst of terrible tragedy.
As we absorb and echo the unspeakable pain of those who suddenly face empty chairs at the table, toys lined up waiting for little hands, and Christmas presents that will never be unwrapped, what do we say? How do we wrap our minds around something so horrific, so unthinkable, something filled with so much anguish? My hand over my mouth, I am left groaning, searching for words that will express the overflow of my heart in the aftermath of such darkness.
“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” – Romans 8:26.
Weak, vulnerable, fragile – those are all words that describe our hearts, especially today. Yet, it is in these very moments that the graciousness of God’s presence gently tugs us closer. The Spirit is speaking for us, even when we don’t know what to say. Our tears find voice in deep groans directed by the Spirit straight into God’s heart. He captures the rhythm of our pain and echoes it back to the Father. Our questions thunder in the consuming fire of grief. We don’t know what or why or how, but the Spirit reminds us that do know Who. And it is that Who that makes all the difference
God knows what it means to lose a child to a violent death. He has felt its heartbreak. He knows its sorrow. He saw this moment before it happened. He positioned grace to be unleashed in its aftermath. He promises to walk through the broken shards of our hearts and teach us how to trace His handprints even here.
My Jesus Resolution today is to pray. I don’t have to speak any words. I can trust the Spirit to search the depths of my heart and say it for me. I can leave my wounded soul in His hands, knowing He will tenderly draw me near to Himself. I can offer the difficult, even dangerous, sacrifice of praise for the ways that He shows Himself faithful, sovereign, and righteous even when darkness splashes on our lives. It is too much for our hearts to bear. But God is bigger…and that is our hope.
Casandra Martin 
Your words are a blessing, Casandara. This morning I am facing the gnawing ball of emotion that has built up over the weekend as I prepare to teach my third grade class. What I have been dreading is facing those sweet little faces entrusted to me. More than their questions, and perhaps their fears, is the personalization of this horrible event. It could have been my school, my students, my coworkers. I am so grateful to be a child of God who understands and holds us all in the face of evil and deep sadness.
Terri from MHT
[…] the verse says, my groanings are too deep for words. My two favorite bloggers Cindy Colley and Casandra Martin both posted beautiful words that have helped calm and strengthen me today. And today I can only […]
Reblogged this on My Daily Bread and commented:
Cassandra Martin has a wonderful devotion related the the shooting in Conneticut. I’ve tried to write something but I’m still too angry and upset for anything useful.
Casandra, your post has truly captured what we are feeling here in CT and everyone all over the world. There are no words that describe our deep pain & sorrow over this horrific tragedy. God knows, and He is gently & lovingly carrying everyone through. Thank you once again for sharing your God gifted talents with this world. We love & appreciate you so much.
Beautiful words within your post. It is one of those times I don’t wish to press like, but I like your well written post.